Edited by Sharona eshet-Kohen, translated by Hillel Fendel
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| Netanel Felber (Credit: Courtesy) |
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| Joe and Judi Felber (Credit: Ezra Levy) |
"We were home that day," Netanel's father Joe tells us, "and I heard something from a relative about an attack. I tried to call Netanel to find out what happened, but there was no answer. I had always worried about him, from the very first day he stepped out of the house in his uniform… Finally, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and saw two soldiers standing there. I could sense why they had come, and I screamed out and closed my eyes. I just wanted time to stand still. But they were well-trained, and they quickly said that he had not been killed, but was rather mortally wounded. This made it easier for just a moment; immediately began a feeling of terrible worry."
The attack occurred when terrorist Assam Bargouti got out of his car and fired at the Givat Assaf bus stop. Two soldiers, St.-Sgt. Yuval Mor-Yosef and Sgt. Yossi Cohen, were killed on the spot; Netanel, who took a bullet to his head, was rushed to Ein Karem Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem. A month later, Israeli forces caught and arrested Bargouti.
Judi, Netanel's mother, says: "The soldiers who came to our house that day told us to pack a bag and rush to the hospital. We didn't know what had happened until we were pretty close to the hospital. The soldiers called the doctor, and he told us by phone that Netanel had been shot in the head and was being operated on. He said that meanwhile they didn't know what would be, and that the next 72 hours would be the most critical time."
Q. What was the first thought that passed through your head when you heard the severity of the wounds?
Judi: "That my worst nightmare had come true. I knew that brain injuries are the worst… If he had been hit anywhere else, he might not have been able to walk, but at least he would have his personality and his character. But with this brain injury, we just didn't know what would be."
Q. How did you inform your family?
Joe: "We first had to tell Netanel's siblings. I called our son Daniel, and I said simply, 'I have some bad news.' I then let him speak with the soldiers so they could explain the details. Our daughter Adina is a stewardess, who was then on a flight returning from Hong Kong to Israel. We decided not to tell her until she got home."
Judi: "But the army was very worried that she would find out some other way, and so we agreed that they should tell her during the flight. The army contacted the flight crew and asked them to turn off the WiFi on the flight so that no one could learn about it via the internet and unwittingly tell her. At the last hour of the flight, her manager called her to the cockpit and they told her… Regarding the other family members, including our parents, the hospital social workers helped us tell them in the best way."
The Felber family has been part of the Netivot English-speaking community in Raanana for some 15 years, after having moved to Israel two years earlier from Silver Spring, Maryland. "We came to Raanana because of its large English-speaking population. We figured, correctly, that this way the children would quickly make friends, and that we would quickly acclimate as well, and that everything would be easier. For a while we thought that everyone in Raanana spoke English…"
Joe is a 57-year-old patent lawyer, and Judi is an editor of a medical journal. Netanel, the youngest of their children, studied in the public religious Ro'i Klein Jr. High and High School, and then in the Maoz pre-military academy in Lod for two years before enlisting in the IDF's Netzach Yehuda brigade. His parents say that the army service was a source of great pride for him.
"His officers loved him very much," Judi says, "and say that he was an excellent soldier. One of the top officers, who was new in his position, said he didn't know all the soldiers that well. When he heard about the attack, he didn't know who Netanel was, and the others told him, 'You know, the one who always smiles' – and then he knew right away who he was."
Q. What has helped you and given you hope during this period?
Joe: "I tried to believe that hakol l'tovah, everything is for the best. We found out later that the young woman who was wounded there, shot in her pelvis and thigh, was carefully checked in the hospital for any other wounds – and they found a growth in her head in advanced stages, and were able to take care of it. If it weren't for the attack, who knows if they would have found it in time. We often don't know how it works that something bad ends up being good. I believe in tikkun [improvement, rectification], but it's not always clear what exactly requires tikkun."
Judi: "We met that girl during Netanel's recovery process. First we saw her in a wheelchair; that was a very emotionally charged meeting. Then, the next time, she came with a walker, and then with crutches, and then, the last time, she was able to walk totally on her own. It was amazing to see her progress. You have to be very patient during this period of recovery; we were warned that it was going to be slow. There was a long while when it looked like Netanel made no progress at all, and then suddenly there was a great improvement all at once. I have a blog in which I keep track of his progress. Writing is like therapy for me, it helps me organize my thoughts somewhat. And of course people have been simply amazing the whole time. Friends continue to be in touch with us. Sometimes I go through a bad day, and someone simply talks to me and listens, and this helps a lot."
Q. Who has come to visit and help?
Joe: "Many people have come, such as my siblings from the U.S., and of course friends from Raanana and Netanel's friends from the pre-military academy. IDF representatives have visited, especially from Netzach Yehuda, and Knesset Members, rabbis from all over the country, reporters, and of course mainly friends. I told myself that I had made a million new friends, but then someone corrected me and said that they were actually there the whole time…
Judi: "Netanel has really great friends. They visit often and tell us stories about him. Some have even spent Shabbat with us. We have almost three notebooks filled with notes and memories of visitors, as well as their blessings for Netanel. The community here in Raanana has helped a lot, and our Rabbi Seth Farber has been amazing. People outside Raanana as well, such as the One Family association."
Joe: "I'm a member of a kayak rowing club, and my friends there have also helped me deal with the situation."
Q. What is Netanel going through in his recovery process, and what does he still have to undergo?
Judi: "He was in the emergency ward in Hadassah for two months, then another week and a half in the regular ward, and since then he has been in rehabilitation in Tel HaShomer Hospital. He has physical therapy, occupational therapy, and a communication clinician five times a week. He will soon undergo skull surgery, hopefully this December. Sometimes he responds to us with small movements, but he doesn't talk yet. We know that he can see and hear us, but we don't know exactly what his field of vision is. He doesn't yet show emotions, even though recently we were there with his friends and he smiled. We know that he's there inside, but we don't know when he will come out totally."
Q. Do the doctors know what the damage is?
Judi: "I have learned not to listen to them totally, because no one really knows. They told me that they have seen people in worse condition than Netanel who recover quickly, and people in better condition who deteriorate suddenly. With head injuries, no one can really know what will be."
Q. I am sure there are many parents who have undergone difficult situations, perhaps not quite as bad as yours, who can be inspired by you. What can you tell them?
Judy: "I have tried very hard not to take the road of 'Why me? Why Netanel?' That doesn't help anyone… Netanel was a guest in Bet El one Shabbat before the attack, and after the attack, the woman came to visit him. She told us that she had once been in a coma, and that she was able to hear everything around her. So she said that we must be careful not to say anything negative and have him hear only positive things. So I've made sure that people know that and speak to him only positively.
"You have to also remember that life goes on. We are in this bubble of rehabilitation, but life goes on. Our daughter Adina became engaged a few days before the attack, and one of the first things we told her afterwards was that she has to continue to plan the wedding. And in fact she'll be getting married in another two months. We have to go on. This was the worst experience in our lives, and we're in an emotional roller coaster. Some days are good, some are bad. But we have met the most amazing people that exist, and we have deep friendships with people throughout the country, on a level that we never thought was possible. We have seen the best of people during this period.
"Our advice is to try and find even a bit of room for optimism, something good, even when it appears that that is the hardest thing in the world."